this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
