i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
