Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
