it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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