Christians are straight up FREAKS
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
