bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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