Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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