i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
