That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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