Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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