if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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