Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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