I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
