Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize