he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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