You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just forgot I was standing up.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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