i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
