A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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