Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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