Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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