his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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