His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
