you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
