just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
