3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
