some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
