New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
