Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
