Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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