Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
