Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
