I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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