I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
