i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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