so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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