my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
