So drunk its hurt
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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