this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
