They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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