A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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