I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
