Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
