I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
