remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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