someone get that fucking seahorse.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
