Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
