He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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