just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
