Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
