your parents love me but you hate me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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