4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
