I heard we made out
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
