Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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