I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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