youre lurking in front of me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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