Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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