Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
