i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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