And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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