then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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