The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
