when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
