I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
