I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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