walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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