I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
