$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
