You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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