Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My feet surprised me
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