Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
